Seeing Me Through a Different Lens

Written By: Enjelle Mitchell

Journalist

This week, I discovered a new side of myself. I realized I struggle to articulate my thoughts and emotions when dealing with a specific trauma response. Reflecting on my life, I noticed a recurring feeling of neglect, as though I was neither seen nor heard by my parents, who seemed consumed by their own lives. I hated feeling like a burden, a parent to my parents, or even their therapist.

For years, I held back from speaking about these feelings out of fear. Fear of how my parents, friends, and family would react, and fear of confronting myself. I worried that addressing my childhood trauma might unearth even more pain. However, after years of avoidance, I’ve come to understand the importance of confronting these emotions. I’ve learned that acknowledging and processing feelings is essential for healing.

As I’ve grown, I’ve started to develop a healthier relationship with my emotions. I no longer want to be afraid of my own trauma. While reflecting, I noticed an interesting pattern during conversations with my future husband. When I’m around him, I instinctively adopt a baby-like voice and act helpless. At first, I didn’t understand why, but now I recognize it as a trauma response. He makes me feel safe, seen, and whole, something I didn’t often feel growing up.

This realization has been transformative. By understanding and addressing my past, I’m learning to reclaim my voice, process my emotions, and nurture the relationships that help me heal.

Remember that healing is its own process. Even though we often tell ourselves we are okay, the truth is we are not always fine and that is okay. It is so important to recognize your patterns and understand why you do the things you do. Avoiding your emotions is not normal; in fact, it is harmful. Allow yourself to feel everything and do not be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions about why you are the way you are. That is where real growth begins.